When Homework Becomes A Struggle For The Entire Family
When Emily’s parents first contacted me, they were exhausted by the daily homework battles.
Emily was a creative and kind 10-year-old with ADHD. She loved drawing, creating plays with her action figures, and caring for her guinea pigs. But homework, which should have taken 20-30 minutes, dragged on for up to two hours, every single time.
Emily was restless, distracted, and frustrated. She constantly found reasons to leave her desk - whether it was to get a drink, check on her pets, or just avoid the task at hand. She would call herself stupid and often cried in frustration.
Her parents felt helpless and worried that these struggles were affecting Emily’s love for learning and impacting the entire family. They wondered if she was avoiding responsibilities and considered being stricter.
They wanted her to feel more competent in her abilities. They didn’t want perfect grades - just for her to do her best without so much frustration. They just didn’t know how to get there.
They tried different ADHD medications, but they either wore off by homework time or interfered with her sleep and appetite. After consulting with Emily’s psychiatrist, they decided to explore alternative solutions, and that’s when they contacted me.
Fast Forward Two Months
Emily was now completing her homework in about 45 minutes, in a better mood, and without the tears. She was becoming more aware of what worked best for her. There were fewer power struggles. There was a clear boost in Emily’s confidence. The whole family started to breathe again.
What Helped?
We recognized that Emily’s restlessness was her body’s way of telling us she needed more movement. We incorporated physical activity before homework and allowed for short movement breaks during her work.
We understood that her requests for snacks and breaks were attempts to self-regulate, so we set her up with snacks and water before starting.
We also made her workspace more conducive to focus. We limited clutter on her desk. We added background music, and we gave her a ball chair, which became her favorite seat in the house!
Her parents redefined their expectations about how much homework she should be doing. They advocated for accommodations from Emily’s teacher.
We introduced co-regulation techniques, with one of her parents sitting nearby during homework, providing quiet support. We also broke down her tasks into smaller, more manageable steps and used visual schedules and visual aids.
Emily’s parents shifted their approach from focusing solely on homework completion to helping Emily find strategies that worked for her. This not only improved her homework routine but also strengthened their relationship and the wellbeing of the whole family.
There Were 4 Key Factors In This Case:
- Understanding what was contributing to Emily’s dysregulation.
- Identify strategies to help her stay better regulated.
- Empower Emily with our insights in a way that she could understand and apply.
- Guiding her parents to regulate their anxiety, shift some of their strategies, and advocate with the school.
The approach I used was family-centered, relationship-based, and neuro-affirming. It created no shame and it focused on building lifelong skills. It empowered both Emily and her parents.
